Dealing with rejection

14 Aug
So you have been rejected by someone, some people or even by the whole world. I know it feels bad and that you are eagerly scanning yourself for any flaws that can justify this rejection.

Some people even go further and label themselves with labels such as a “loser” or “failure” and then end up depressed.

The shocking truth!!

The shocking truth is that the main reason behind experiencing those negative feelings you experienced after being rejected is believing that your worth or value is determined solely by the opinion of others.

When we were children our culture and our parents taught us that people will like us if we became nice. They taught us that being a good boy and a good girl will let people love us.

We’ve grown up believing that we are only worthy if people like us and care for us While if people dislike us then we are worthless.

We learned to measure our self worth based on the acceptance of others and thus we gave them the keys to our mood.

Depression and rejection

Depression is sometimes associated with rejection. The main reason some people become depressed after being rejected is that they don’t take actions to neutralize the effect of this rejection.

In my book, The ultimate guide to getting over depression I explained how ignoring your problems and allowing them to accumulate can be the primary source for depression. Some people face problems as soon as they encounter them while others bury them deeply in their subconscious minds or throw them behind their backs. When they do so their subconscious minds usually responds back with depression.

Lets suppose you applied for a job then got rejected. If you didn’t respond by applying for another job or by trying to improve your skills immediately then you might get depressed.

Possible reasons behind rejection

The human mind can hardly rest before finding a reasonable or logical explanation for the situations it faces.

If you provided other reasons for the rejection to your mind other than being worthless then you won’t feel bad at all after the rejection. That’s why i will provide you with some of these reasons so that you can use them to calm your mind down after facing rejections.

People could hate/reject you because:

  • They are jealous of you, of your achievements, your looks, or of anything else
  • They are currently interested in someone else (if the rejection was in a relationship). This rejection doesn’t mean that you are bad see the Psychology of falling in love section to know why such rejection shouldn’t affect you)
  • They might be afraid of you. They might be afraid you’d take their job, their wife or whatever
  • Maybe you ignored them before unintentionally and they are paying back.
  • Maybe you hurt them without noticing and they were emotionally sensitive. 
  • Maybe you have interests that conflict with their own interests.
  • Maybe you look like someone they don’t like. (See how our pasts affects the people we deal with
  • Even in job interviews these reasons can be applicable, after all, the interviewer is not from Mars but he is human and he experiences the same emotions of hatred and jealousy that humans experience

So as you can see people may hate you or reject you for different reasons that aren’t by any means related to your worth. If you want to deal with rejection and get over it then it’s time to know that your self-worth is not measured by the opinion of others.

Even if the whole world rejected you still you are worthy. Don’t change yourself to please others else you will lose your self confidence. (see The story of a lion)

You won’t be able to deal with rejection before you document your strengths and weaknesses. You must know yourself well or you’ll end up allowing people to tell you who you are. 

looks anchor

An anchor is the situation where two different events become connected in your mind so that when one of them happens it reminds you of the second.

An example of an anchor is remembering an old memory when you hear a certain Song. But what has anchors to do with looks?

In fact you could remember a person when you see someone who looks likes him and even assume that they both have the same personality!!

An example of looks anchor

for example suppose that you knew someone who was very nice to you and that you liked him. Next time when you meet someone who looks like that person you may automatically like him even if he didn’t do anything good to you.

In that case the person’s looks were anchored to the deeds of the other person who was nice. That’s why some people hate other people without even talking to them and that’s one of the reasons love at the first sight exists.

That’s why someone may dislike your looks although you dont look bad. Its just happened because of his own background and past experiences and not because of your looks.

Self image problems and looks anchor

Many people who are already attractive suffer from a self image problem or even believe that they are ugly.

By understanding a concept such as looks anchor you can conclude that even if someone told you that he doesn’t like your looks still it doesn’t mean that you look bad at all.

The problem might be with his perception and not your looks. 

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