Can Sex Destroy A Friendship?

15 Feb

If you and your female friend cross that bridge, is there any hope of maintaining the friendship that once was? Find out.

By Vanessa Burton, Women’s Sexuality Correspondent

Page 1: Adult friend

can your friendship last?You’ve been hanging out with Jane since you were in grade school. She was a tomboy and you took care of her like a sister. Now you’re all grown up (she’s well developed) and you tell each other about your sexual conquests and gut-wrenching relationships.

One night, the two of you go out together, get drunk as skunks and before you know it, it’s morning and the two of you are butt naked in her bed and there’s three used condoms on the floor (even when you’re drunk, you’re virile). There’s an awkward silence and you leave before your brain starts recalling last night’s events and tomorrow’s potential problems.

Can the two of you resume the friendship and erase that night’s events? Sure it’s possible, but considering the human condition, it’s highly unlikely. Why is it that sex usually ends up making things so complicated?

it’s downhill from here

Well, there are a number of reasons, but above and beyond all else, once you’ve crossed that line, there’s likely no going back to the way things used to be. Now, you and your buddy know each other more intimately than ever before.

Some of the things that used to be, will be no more and some of the things that never were, may begin to rear their ugly heads, such as:

No more sex talk
The two of you won’t likely discuss sexual ventures with other partners because descriptions may stir up images of what the two of you experienced together.

One or both of you may start feeling a tinge of the green-eyed monster creeping up on you when someone else enters the picture. Believe it or not, engaging in lovemaking makes some people feel territorial.

Awkward silences
You might start feeling like you have to fill every gap of silence with empty conversation just to ensure that you avoid the topic of “the other night.”

Why is she calling?
From “the incident” on, every time she calls you, you’ll wonder if it’s because she’s becoming attached in a different way. You might even start feeling awkward about picking up the phone to call her as well, for fear that she might think you’re looking to get into something more than just friendship.

Relationship fear
Even if both of you mutually want a relationship, the underlying fear that if it doesn’t work out, the friendship that you built over all those years will go out the window as well may leave you feeling apprehensive.

But wait, there is hope yet…

Page 2: Friend and lover

but wait, can it work?

Of course, there are many successful relationships that began with two little buddies who hung out by the pond putting cigarettes in frogs’ mouths and ended up blossoming into love once they reached maturity.

But that’s usually reserved for friends who have had romantic feelings for each other that they’ve been dancing around; I’m referring to those friendships in which none or possibly one of the parties has developed romantic feelings.

And if she’s the one who feels the love, you will have to set the record straight right away in order to avoid confusion and resentment. As well, if you’re the one who’s experiencing cupid’s blow, it’s time to reveal what you’ve been thinking. The bottom line is that whether you like it or not, you have to discuss what went on. And I don’t just mean “Was I good?”

Otherwise, any possibility you may have had of salvaging the friendship will get thrown out the window and chances are, that wouldn’t make either of you happy. It is possible for the two of you to overcome the sexual episode you experienced.

After all, you and she may have always been curious about the other’s flavor, especially considering that you know virtually everything about each other. And now that you’ve quenched your desires, you can move on with the friendship. Unless of course, the sex was so amazing that you hunger for more…

sexual ground rules

If you are going to continue dipping your stick in her pool, you are going to have to come to an understanding of what this casual sex experience is going to entail. And in this day and age, casual sex can lead to a dangerous conclusion, so be clear on what’s going on.

Will you be providing your sexual services exclusively to her or will you opt to spread yourself around? What about her; will she be spread eagle for every Tom, Dick and Harry or does she only want to share herself with you? Find out.

Sex without interference
It’s usually very difficult to maintain a friendship that involves casual sex for obvious reasons, so you and your buddy must agree to talk about any awkward feelings or hostility about situations that may arise.

Rising expectations
Although many people say that they’re cool about the whole casual sex scenario, more often than not, they end up thinking they can sway the other person to fall in love or that the relationship will eventually evolve into something serious. Make sure to nip these thoughts in the bud.

Keep communication open
Discuss situations, be honest and do your best to keep both yourself and her comfortable. All good things come to an end and although you can enjoy the ride while it lasts, chances are your stop will come up soon.

it ain’t black and white

Sexual friendships are exciting to start but are extremely difficult to maintain. When it comes to childhood friendship, I highly discourage any sexual contact. But if you must penetrate your pal, make sure that you’re well aware of what’s to follow and the fact that penetration might lead to termination… of the friendship, that is.


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