Archive | February, 2012

Run, wolf warrior – Poem

29 Feb
photo

Run, wolf warrior, run on through the rain…

Run, wolf warrior, to ends eternal
Through the wreckage of the death of the day
Scent of silence under starlight spinning
A captured beast within a human skin

Are you searching for long lost landscapes
Lit by flowers and crystal cascades?
Where the lamb lies down with the lion
Where the wolf is one with the wild

Run, wolf warrior, through kingdoms’ chaos
Senseless cities and ghost towns towering
Howl, O hunter, though few know you’re crying
Face upturned into that midnight moon

Are you hunting for mystic mountains
Where the air is like liquid laughter?
Where the beasts inherit the earth
Where the last again will be first

Run, wolf warrior, to hide your hunger
The rain will wash away the pains of the day
In your eyes there are cold fires burning
Tongues of flame that can never be tamed

Are you running from Man’s delusion
Majestic madness and your exclusion
To where the lamb lies down with the lion?

Are you running down ancient pathways
Through this dark and deserted land
To where man is once more a child?

Are you running to freedom’s fortress
By the side of wide open seas
Where the wolf is one with the wild?

Run, run, run…

Run, run, run, run, run, run on, run on through the rain…

●▬▬▬▬▬ஜ۩۞۩ஜ▬▬▬▬▬▬▬●

This is a reblog. Visit the original post

Here

●▬▬▬▬▬ஜ۩۞۩ஜ▬▬▬▬▬▬▬●

Advertisements

Mentiras sensacionales

28 Feb
MARTES, 6 DE DICIEMBRE DE 2011

Mentiras sensacionales 

 
Se quedó dormida sobre mi hombro, calculo que no sabe lo que está haciendo. Se dejó soñar en medio del silencio, en su habitación, a la que solamente me invitó dos veces.
Está débil, herida, llena de sensibilidades. Si bien terminó su historia de amor en busca de frivolidades y libertades, necesita un abrazo más que nunca.
Vulnerable, caprichosa, quisiera que él la abrace y la contenga. Es que se siente mal porque ya no está. A su vez, él no está porque ella así lo quiso.
 
Lo confirmo, no sabe lo que está haciendo.
Pero la entiendo.
El desapego es la cuota más fuerte del egoísmo.
Y ella, aún no se puede despegar de él.
Lo quiere olvidar, pero a la fuerza.
Entonces, se queda dormida sobre mi hombro, tratando de amoldarse a sus recovecos, a mi perfume. Tratando de conformarse con lo nuevo y convenciéndose de que le sienta mejor.
Me usa, sin malas intenciones y yo me dejo usar, entendiendo la coyuntura de la noche.
Ahora resulta que se hicieron más de las doce y a ella no le importa dormir frente a mí, sin hablar, sin cambiar gestos, sin prejuicios.
 
Dejo pasar unos minutos, no me muevo y la miro de a ratos.
Se empieza a despertar, creo que no llegó a dormirse por completo. Solo descansa, viaja por otro lado, pasea de la mano entre sus viejas historias, inventa otras nuevas.
Antes de volver a su cuarto y abrir los ojos, me aprieta el abrazo con las uñas, se le escapa una mueca de alegría sobria, un tanto amarga, de esas que sentimos entre tantas malas noticias.
Es que sabe lo egoísta que está siendo. Está molestamente feliz y tranquila por haber terminado una relación de tanto tiempo, se siente en paz. Pero le revienta por dentro saber que su compañero de toda la vida empezará de nuevo, se besará con otra mujer y tratará de estar mejor. Egoísmo a flor de piel.
 
Ella no es demasiado racional, no sabe lo que hace.
Le da bronca saber que él puede estar con otra, pero ella fue quién lo dejó. Y como para hacer aún más irracional su bronca, hace filosofía sobre su viejo amor en brazos de otro flaco (este vendría a ser yo).
Me presento, soy otro egoísta: Que la consuelo convencido y ni siquiera sé consolarme a mí mismo.
 
Dejo que se quede dormida sobre mi hombro, calculo que no sé lo que estoy haciendo.
Yo también lucho contra el desapego, aunque me siento en paz absoluta.
En fin, nos acariciamos de imperfecciones. Somos mugre con aroma de flor.
Banales, raros, buena onda.
 
Se despierta, me mira, sonríe, tibia, tiembla y se acomoda.
 
“¿Te abro?”
Me acompaña hasta la puerta, ojos entreabiertos. Solo duermen sus ojos, la cabeza la tiene a mil.
 
Los dos abrazamos.
Está claro, ambos estamos recordando otros momentos de nuestra vida.
 
“Gracias”.
Baja la mirada.
 
Segundo abrazo. Nos despegamos (de nosotros, no de nuestras viejas historias como realmente queremos).
Me vuelve a mirar, se ríe, se le escapa una sonrisa. Ahora sí, somos honestos. Nos estamos riendo de verdad.
 
Mentiras sensacionales.
 
Hay de todo menos beso, esto es mucho más profundo. Estamos cambiando, perdonándonos mutuamente, ayudándonos a crecer.
Fuimos leales al no besarnos. Ella estaría en la boca de aquel y yo en la de mis mejores recuerdos.
 
Que justos fuimos.
Que justo nos fuimos a encontrar.
Que justo me abrió la puerta.
Justo antes, de volvernos injustos.
 
Se quedó dormida sobre mi hombro, pero calculó todo lo que estaba haciendo.
Es maravillosa, inteligente. Vulnerable, caprichosa. Por eso me empezó a gustar, porque lo supo todo el tiempo. Se estaba desapegando y me estaba regalando una antigua sensación que la tenía olvidada.
 
La sensación de cuidarla, de volver a sentir.
La sensación de sentir, de volver a empezar.
La sensación de empezar, volver y besarla.
*
http://demiyotrosamoresfugaces.blogspot.com/

Part 3 – Myths About Being Single

27 Feb

Look at the prejudices and stereotypes many people have about being single.  Almost nothing positive is ever assumed about singles.  Our own negative attitudes lead to fears and anxieties about being single.  That is why a positive attitude is your first line of defense.  Because of the many prejudices society has against singles, it’s easy to believe that being single is boring, sad, depressing, unfulfilling, and a negative experience that should be avoided.  These unrealistic statements only serve to make the problem some have with being single worse.  If you believe such statements, then you have probably pursued relationships for the wrong reasons.  Remember that you have to be happy with yourself first.  However, it’s difficult not to buy into these myths.  The first step is to recognize the myths and realize they are not true. Then we have the opportunity to resist them by being examples of happy singles.  Think about your prejudices towards being single. What negative thoughts do you have?

Let’s pick apart some common myths about being single:

 Singleness equals loneliness. 

This is simply not the case. The only single people who claim to be lonely are those who choose to be lonely.  One of the reasons why singleness seems so scary is because of the term itself:  Single.  It has almost become a swear word in today’s society.  It creates the image of a lone person, going through life with no friends and no family. Is this what you think of when you hear the word “single?”.  “Being single” only means the lack of a marriage or dating partner.  To call yourself lonely when all you lack is one person in your life is irrational.  A lonely single is actually a selfish single because their focus is on themselves instead of on others.

 A relationship will help me feel better about myself.

A relationship is not an insurance policy for happiness, satisfaction, or fulfillment.  A relationship will not magically solve or cover up your problems.  Forget about all the perfect-couple images painted by the media.  Relationships actually magnify existing problems and create new ones.  Part of being in a relationship is learning how to solve problems.  If you can’t solve problems on your own, you won’t be able to do so with someone else.

If you don’t feel good about yourself, then you need to work on that before seeking a relationship, as people generally don’t look for someone with low self-esteem.  One of the key points that I state here several times is that you must be happy with yourself first.  The purpose of entering into a relationship is to share yourself with another person; not to try to get from someone else what you feel lacks in yourself.  Relationships (romantic and other) can’t be all “take” – you have to give as well.  Expecting someone else to fill your voids usually results in disappointment, a sense of failure, and resentment.  The way you feel about yourself is apparent to others, and if you seek a relationship hoping that the other person will somehow improve you, you will actually end up driving that person away.  You have to be happy with yourself before you can expect to get along with others.  If you believe that you cannot be happy on your own, you will be less confident and more dependent on others for your happiness.

If you feel trapped by singleness and are looking for someone to rescue you, then you need to first work on becoming content as a single person and gaining more confidence in yourself.  Become successful as a single first before worrying about success in relationships.  If you’re not content with being single, then you probably won’t be content with a relationship either.  Don’t make your happiness dependent on whether you are in a relationship or not.  Life is too short to spend a majority of it feeling depressed over something within your control.  You already have the key to unlock the singleness trap.  You just have to choose to use it.

Abraham Lincoln said, “Most people are about as happy as they make up their mind to be.” 

 If I’m single and can’t find anyone, it means something is wrong with me, or that I’m a failure. 

Being single can be very unsettling and can certainly make people ask themselves, “Is there something wrong with me?”  The answer is no.  Every one of us has something wrong with them.  Nobody on this planet is perfect.

Failing at something does not make you a failure.  Regardless of how many times you have attempted and failed, it does not mean anything is wrong with you.  It simply means that there are changes that need to be made.  However, you should try to look at what you have done and make an effort to change what you know isn’t working.  Use this time to take an inventory of yourself and see if there are any personal areas you think you could improve in.

One site I came across used the analogy of a baby trying stand up by himself, hanging onto a table leg, and can’t stand up. He tries it many times, many ways, until he can stand up.  The result is that everyone around is proud of the baby accomplishing his goal. If the baby had not achieved the goal of standing up, would you  think there was something wrong with the baby?  Would you think he was a failure?  So, why do we as adults think that we are failures when we find something harder to do later on in life?  Just like a baby can learn the new concept of standing on his own, you can learn the new concept of being happy as a single person. 

 Being single is unacceptable and I must be in a committed relationship as soon as possible. 

You might think that committed relationships and marriage are the ideal lifestyle, but it’s not the only lifestyle.  If you believe that being single is unacceptable, then you will end up seeking relationships just because you want one, because “it’s the thing to do”, or because “everyone’s doing it.”  This often leads to unhealthy relationships, unnecessary stress, a worsened self-image, and emotional burnout.  You are your own person.  Your decisions should not be based on what everyone else is doing.  Remember when your mother would say, “If everyone was jumping off a cliff…”?

David Hawkins wrote this in an article of his:  There is a faux love going around – attachment hunger. Or, what I like to call, the surge leading to the urge to merge. In these cases, loving feelings take on an urgency and desperation and therefore, instead of leading to ‘enlarging and changing the self,’ lead to distortion and narrowing of the self. This difference – that a loving passion enlarges us while an addiction inevitably diminishes us – is a crucial distinction.”

Bottom line:  Being single is not unacceptable by any means.  What’s unacceptable is seeking a relationship for the sole purpose of having one.  It’s also selfish.

 Singleness is meant to be a “waiting period” for finding the right person. 

This may be true for some, but it’s not an across-the-board fact.  If this is made the main focus of singleness, it actually becomes overwhelming.  You may have heard the term “waiting for the ship to come in.”  That creates the fallacy that one day, you will find that special person and then your life will suddenly become meaningful.  The idea of “waiting” can give you the false impression that something is missing.  This can have a serious negative impact on your life.  You may put off certain plans and aspects of your life until you happen to meet someone.  As time goes on, you’ll realize that you have been wasting your life away.  It may get to the point where your only goal in life is to find someone, and you’ll find yourself feeling unmotivated to take care of other things.  Don’t put your life on hold just because you are single.  You are the only one that decides how you will live your life.  You can make the most of it, or you can let it waste away; it’s your choice.  None of us knows what is going to happen in the future, and if you are presently single, this is a time of opportunity for you.  Your singleness is what you make of it.  It can be a good experience if you want it to be.  So, instead of wasting time just waiting around for the “right one”, use your time as a single to get to know the person that is responsible for making you happy – that’s you. 

 Accepting singleness is giving up or admitting defeat. 

Accepting singleness is not a defeat; it’s a victory.  Despite the way it sounds, accepting singleness does not mean resigning the rest of your life to an unhappy state of being single.  Accepting singleness means that you have conquered your fears and anxieties about being single.  It shows that you do not buy into the myths and stereotypes about being single.  It is not easy to accept singleness and many people think they can’t do it, or will even refuse to do it.  When you accept singleness, you are declaring that you are strong enough to do life on your own, and that you don’t need another person for a crutch.  It shows that you are independent.  Accepting singleness means you can resist the constant feeling of needing to be a part of a couple, regardless of the influences around you.  You are making the most of this time in your life instead of wasting time in unnecessary despair.  Lastly, and most importantly, it means that you are happy with who you are.

 There are no advantages to being single. 

As much as I didn’t want to use tired old clichés in here, the saying “every cloud has a silver lining” applies here.  Remember that there are two sides to being single.  As I mentioned earlier, it’s easy to focus exclusively on the negative aspects of being single.  This can lead us to the false notion that there are no advantages to being single.  The fact of the matter is that there are advantages to being single, some of which are described in next section.

http://www.singleshelp.org/3myths.html

Why Committed Part 2 – Power of Commitment

26 Feb
SUNDAY, FEBRUARY 3, 2008

I wrote this once before and then lost the text. Maybe it needs reworking.

One of the most important reasons for being a “committed” single is that it shifts your direction and goal in life.

Our commitments and decisions drive our futures. When you commit to marriage, your future changes. You begin to plan your life differently. You make plans (or you should) that take into account your spouse. If you are living life committed to finding a mate (whether you ever do or not), that affects how you pursue life as well.

What is ineffective in life planning is the lack of planning and the lack of commitment. Someone said “No one plans to fail, they just fail to plan.” This is true in a lot of areas of life.

The idea that you just go ahead and just let a relationship either happen or not without caring one way or another is not only irresponsible, it’s also impossible. If you question people who claim this is how they deal with it, you find out that they usually are hoping to find that great person, they just are unsure they ever will.

You see, if I had committed to finding a relationship, I would pursue that. It wouldn’t be my only pursuit, but I would make time for it, and I wouldn’t involve myself in other activities without considering that possibility. I might never find that relationship, but I would pursue it. One does not need to acquire the Grail for the quest to be worthwhile.

But for me, that quest wasn’t important. I look back and see that in the days I was pursuing a relationship, I did it half heartedly. I didn’t pour myself into the quest like I do say web ministry or teaching. That should have given me a hint. It was not a high priority.

The power of making a specific commitment is that it helps to clarify your path. When I took my job at the college, I could begin to design a portion of my life around that commitment. That design was different than if I had become a PR person or a radio personality (both jobs I’ve held).

Committing to singleness gave some of the same clarity of purpose. I now know that I can leave myself open to certain ministry opportunities and certain career paths that would have been problematic if I was trying to juggle ministry, a career and a family.

I’m 7 years from retirement. The nature of my retirement planning is different. I am only planning for one. It’s a different planning than if I planned to spend the next third of my life with someone else.

Commitment then gives direction and moves you forward in life. It’s like you come to a crossroad. You can choose one path or the other and move on. Or you can set up a camp at the crossroad and wait for something to come along that drags you up that path. You can waste a lot of time at crossroads. I know. I did. Now, I’m moving on.

http://committedsingle.blogspot.com/

Single By Choice

25 Feb

If you’re new here, you may want to subscribe to [his] RSS feed. Thanks for visiting!

A patient came into my office frustrated, complaining about people constantly asking him why he is not in a relationship, is he dating, etc.  He is single, but he feels something must be wrong with him that he does not feel the need to be in a relationship nor does he enjoy the process of dating.  He would like to meet people, enjoy their company, and perhaps have some enjoyable sex. But having a committed relationship, not so much.

Single people are often asked, “Why aren’t you married?” The question often implies a judgement as if something is wrong with single person. It also implies that the only appropriate state is being paired and everyone who is not paired in some form must be defective. When asked this question, singles feel awkward, sometimes embarrasses, and stumble around for a reply, often ending up with some lame response such as, “I just haven’t found the right person.”

We rarely ask people why they chose to be in a relationship or want to marry. The assumption is that being paired is the natural state of affairs. So when we ask, “Why would someone choose to remain single?” we are implying that singleness is the anomaly; single people are required to account for their choice, married people are not.

It rarely occurs to people that one could choose to be single, after all, who would to that!? The fact is that for many people living a single lifestyle is a choice. They simply prefer to remain alone and are not necessarily lonely. They are perfectly content and psychologically comfortable with their single status.

The fact is that there are advantages and disadvantages to remaining remaining single or being married.

Advantages of being single:

  • The freedom to come and go as one pleases. No accountability to someone else.
  • The autonomy of being responsible exclusively for themselves without having to consider the opinions or desires of others, e.g., choosing a career or job that is dangerous, requires extensive travel or keeping late hours, etc.
  • The freedom to choose multiple partners with whom to spend time.
  • Avoiding the inherent messiness of being in a committed relationship.

Disadvantages of being single:

  • Experiencing and having to cope with occasional loneliness.
  • Always having to be proactive in developing relationships.
  • No one readily available with whom to share the ups and downs of life.
  • No one with whom to share decision making and household responsibilities.
  • Not having a steady supply of affection.

Advantages of a committed relationship:

  • Having a partner with whom to share life experiences.
  • Experiencing the challenge of developing an intimate relationship.
  • Being able to develop a sense of family with another person.
  • Someone with who to share responsibilities and decisions.

Disadvantages of a committed relationship:

  • Loss of freedom to come and go.
  • Always having to consider the impact on another person.
  • Responsibility for and to another person other than just oneself.
  • Required sacrifice as part of accommodating the needs and wants of another person.
  • Having to deal with potential loss of a partner, e.g., dissolution, death, divorce.

Each person must evaluate the pros and cons for him or herself.  Careful self-examination is required to be certain that the choice that one makes is not due to social pressure, familiar expectation, or fear of intimacy and commitment. The ultimate decision is up to the individual. Either paired or single, it is your decision, your choice, with no right or wrong, better or worse. Being single is a choice just as marriage is a choice. Choose wisely.

[Dr. Dreyfus is a nationally recognized clinical psychologist, relationship counselor, sex therapist, and life coach in the Santa Monica – Los Angeles. The profits from his latest book, LIVING LIFE FROM THE INSIDE OUT along with his other five books, are being donated to charity through the website Book Royalties for Charity and can be purchased through Amazon.com. Please become a friend on his Facebook Fan Page by indicating “like” on the page by clicking here. You can also find more tools to help you experience a more fulfilling life by clicking here to visit his website.

http://www.docdreyfus.com/psychologically-speaking/single-by-choice/

Do You Really Want To Give Up Your Freedom For Commitment?

24 Feb

09 August 2011 | Find Your Love | Tags:  

It’s hard to believe that single men and women would leave the freedom of being single for commitment but it’s true.

Titles are so overrated. With first-marriage divorce rates around 41% and growing, (depending on the study) and the steady increasing reports of infidelity, what does it mean to be a girlfriend or a wife these days?

With a definition fuzzier than the plot of Harry Potter and the Half-Blood Prince, what do you get with commitment that isn’t available through dating?

Commitment is intention. It is love in action. * It’s a quote I found among my many notes but I’m not too sure where it came from.

If you look at commitment as defined above, it’s no wonder men and women are afraid of it. Love is a scary, overused, and undefined term for feelings that can’t be described. Despite its many complications and intricacies and without really knowing why, we must express it. Commitment before marriage, allows us to do that. It’s like love with training wheels.

It’s like loving with a guarantee. (I can’t ever think of the word guarantee without making a Tommy Boy reference)

This is why no matter how much you appreciate being single, there is an expression of love in all of us that is dying to get out. To stick with the peeing analogy, sometimes you have to love so badly you commitment to the wrong person, it’s like having an accident. You have you clean yourself off, deal with the embarrassment and set out to hold love in until you find the right environment for release.

Although I didn’t give the right answer at the time, I’ve come to realize that human beings have to love. You could argue that all animals do because it’s the only way that we can make sure or demand that we be loved in return. Reciprocity is the biggest influence, and commitment promises that our giving will result in us getting back.

Wanting commitment is natural, I’m not mad at anyone who wants it. But until you have someone worth committing to, don’t just give your freedom away. I think being single is phenomenal. Everyone should enjoy it, embrace, and celebrate their liberty for as long as they can!

What are your thoughts on commitment?

Full text:

http://www.thedatingtruth.com/2011/08/do-you-really-want-to-give-up-your-freedom-for-commitment/

Developing Emotional Awareness

23 Feb

RECOGNIZING AND HARNESSING THE POWER OF YOUR EMOTIONS

Emotions are the glue that connects you to other people and gives meaning to life. They are the foundation of your ability to understand yourself and relate to others.

When you are aware and in control of your emotions, you can think clearly and creatively; manage stress and challenges; communicate well with others; and display trust, empathy, and confidence. But lose control of your emotions, and you’ll spin into confusion, isolation, and negativity. By recognizing and harnessing your emotions you can gain control over the way you react to challenges, improve your communication skills, and enjoy more fulfilling relationships. This is the power of developing emotional awareness.

What is emotional awareness?

Whether we’re aware of them or not, emotions are a constant presence in our lives, underlying and influencing everything we do.

Emotional awareness means knowing what you are feeling and why. It’s the ability to identify and express what you are feeling from moment to moment and to understand the connection between your feelings and your actions.

Emotional awareness also allows you to understand what others are feeling and to empathize with them.

Emotional awareness involves two basic abilities:

  • The ability to recognize your moment-to-moment emotional experience
  • The ability to handle all of your emotions without becoming overwhelmed

Why emotional awareness matters

Have you ever felt like depression, anxiety, or anger was controlling you? Do you often act impulsively, doing or saying things you know you shouldn’t, only to regret it later? Do you feel disconnected from your feelings or emotionally numb? Do you have a hard time communicating with others and forming meaningful connections? Do you feel like your life is an emotional rollercoaster—all extremes and no balance? All of these challenges are related to a breakdown in emotional awareness.

Our emotions, not our thoughts, motivate us. Without an awareness of what you’re feeling, it’s impossible to fully understand your own behavior, appropriately manage your emotions and actions, and accurately “read” the wants and needs of others.

Emotional awareness helps you:

  • Recognize who you are: what you like, what you don’t like, and what you need
  • Understand and empathize with others
  • Communicate clearly and effectively
  • Make wise decisions based on the things that are most important to you
  • Get motivated and take action to meet goals
  • Build strong, healthy, and rewarding relationships
How developing emotional awareness can bring your life into balance
“My life is an emotional rollercoaster!” Life doesn’t have to be about high highs and low lows. Becoming more in touch with your emotions can help moderate the extreme up and down swings.
“I often regret what I say or do.” If you often wish you could press an “undo” button—or you simply have a short fuse—you can gain emotional awareness by learning to prolong patience during times of stress.
“I have no energy.” Got the blahs? When there is nothing physically wrong with you, and you still don’t have any ‘get up and go,’ you might be depressed. When you are more emotionally aware, you can tune into these feelings and make a change for the better.
“The people I’m interested in aren’t interested in me.” Relationships are hard, but you can have an easier time meeting people and creating lasting bonds when you become more emotionally aware.
“I can’t seem to get ahead, even though I’m smart and work hard.” Sometimes, getting ahead at your career requires more than book smarts and effort. Becoming more emotionally aware can help you communicate better and advance your position.
“They call me a robot.” There is such thing as too much control over emotions. If you’ve reined yourself in so much that you show no emotion whatsoever, you might benefit from becoming more balanced with your feelings.

Evaluating your emotional awareness

Although emotional awareness is the basis of emotional health, good communication, and solid relationships, many people remain relatively unacquainted with their core emotional experience. It is surprising how few people can easily answer the question: “What are you experiencing emotionally?”

What is your level of emotional awareness?

  • Can you tolerate strong feelings, including anger, sadness, fear, disgust, and joy?
  • Do you feel your emotions in your body? If you are sad or mad, do you experience physical sensations in places like your stomach and chest?
  • Do you ever make decisions based on “gut feelings” or use your emotions to guide your decisions? When your body signals that something is wrong (stomach tightening, hair standing on end) do you trust it?
  • Are you comfortable with all of your emotions? Do you allow yourself to feel anger, sadness, or fear without being judgmental or trying to suppress them?
  • Do you pay attention to your every-changing emotional experience? Do you notice a variety of emotions throughout the day or are you stuck in only one or two emotions?
  • Are you comfortable talking about your emotions? Do you communicate your feelings honestly?
  • Do you feel that, in general, others understand and empathize with your feelings? Are you comfortable with others knowing your emotions?
  • Are you sensitive to the emotions of others? Is it relatively easy for you to pick up on what other people are feeling and put yourself in their shoes?

If you didn’t answer “usually” or even “sometimes” to most of these questions, you’re not alone.  Most people are not emotionally aware, but you can be, even if you have avoided some of your feelings for a long time.

By learning to recognize, manage, and deal with your emotions, you’ll enjoy greater happiness and health, as well as better relationships.

When we can’t manage stress, emotions may overwhelm us

You can’t manage emotions until you know how to manage stress. Emotions are unpredictable. We never know what will trigger an emotional response, and when stress strikes, we don’t always have the time or opportunity to get back into balance by going for a run, for example, or taking a relaxing bath. What you need are tools that allow you to manage stress quickly and in the moment.

Emotional awareness depends on your ability to rapidly relieve stress

Emotional awareness requires the ability to manage stress as it’s happening. The ability to quickly reduce stress allows you to safely face strong emotions, confident in the knowledge that you’ll be able to stay calm and in control—even when something upsetting happens. Once you know how to calm yourself down once you start to feel overwhelmed, you can begin to explore the emotions that seem uncomfortable or even frightening.

Emotion is a double-edged sword that is meant to help but can also hurt

If you’re a person who doesn’t know how to manage your emotions, or have lived with such a person, feelings can seem frightening and overwhelming. Fear and helplessness may cause you to freeze, act out, or shut down—inhibiting your ability to think rationally and causing you to say and do things you later regret.

Common ways of controlling or avoiding uncomfortable emotions

Many addictive and inappropriate behaviors are rooted in an inability to take emotionally stressful situations in your stride. Instead, you may try to control or avoid difficult emotions by:

  • Distracting yourself with obsessive thoughts, escapist fantasies, mindless entertainment, and addictive behaviors in order to avoid emotions you fear or dislike. Watching television for hours, playing computer games, and surfing the Internet are common ways we avoid dealing with our feelings.
  • Sticking with one emotional response that you feel comfortable with, no matter what the situation requires. For example, constantly joking around to cover up insecurities or getting angry all the time to avoid feeling frightened and sad.
  • Shutting down or shutting out intense emotions. If you feel overwhelmed by your emotions, you may cope by numbing yourself. You may feel completely disconnected from your emotions, like you no longer have feelings at all.

The upside of unpleasant emotions

  • Anger can be both deadly and restorative. Out-of-control anger can run amok endangering others and ourselves. But anger can also protect and preserve life. Anger is an emotion with a lot of energy that can be used to save life by mobilizing us and inspiring determination and creative action.
  • Sadness can lead to depression but also supports emotional healing. Sadness is a call to slow down, stop thinking and surrender to what we are experiencing emotionally. Sadness asks us to open up, trust and allow ourselves to be vulnerable in order to heal and recover from loss.
  • Fear that overwhelms us is debilitating but fear also triggers lifesaving reactions that protect us from harm. Fear is a deeply rooted emotion—often the cause of chronic anger or depression. Overwhelming fear can be a barrier that separates us from others, but fear also supports life by signaling danger and triggering life-preserving action.

Why avoiding unpleasant emotions isn’t the answer

We are all born with a capacity to freely experience the full range of human emotions—including joy, anger, sadness, and fear. Yet many people are disconnected from some or all of their feelings.

People who were traumatized in early life often disconnect from their emotions and the physical feelings they evoke. But when you try to avoid pain and discomfort, your emotions become distorted, displaced, and stifled. You lose touch with your emotions when you attempt to control or avoid them, rather thanexperience them.

The consequences of avoiding your emotions:

  • You don’t know yourself. This is one of the most important consequences. It includes understanding why you react to different situations, how much or how little things mean to you, and the difference between what you think you want and what you really need.
  • You lose the good, along with the bad. When you shut down negative feelings like anger, fear, or sadness, you also shut down your ability to experience positive feelings such as joy, love, and happiness.
  • It’s exhausting. You can distort and numb emotions, but you can’t eliminate them entirely. It takes a lot of energy to avoid having an authentic emotional experience and keep your feelings suppressed. The effort leaves you stressed and drained.
  • It damages your relationships. The more you distance yourself from your feelings, the more distant you become from others, as well as yourself. You lose the ability to build strong relationships and communicate effectively, both of which depend on being in touch with your emotions.

By avoiding emotions we dislike, we distance ourselves from pleasant emotions

When we disconnect from emotions we dislike – emotions that we find uncomfortable or overwhelming – we automatically shut down intensely positive emotions like joy, laughter, and playfulness that sustain us in difficult and challenging times. We can overcome loss and great challenges, but only if we retain our ability to experience joy. These pleasant, uplifting emotions remind us in the worst of times that life is worthwhile and can be wonderful as well as painful.

Make friends with all your emotions

If you’ve never learned how to manage stress, the idea of reconnecting to unpleasant emotions may be uncomfortable. But even traumatized people can heal by learning to safely navigate their emotional experiences. You can change the way you experience and respond to your emotions.

The process of raising emotional awareness involves reconnecting with all of the core emotions, including anger, sadness, fear, disgust, surprise, and joy via a process of self-healing. As you start this process, keep the following facts in mind:

Emotions quickly come and go, if you let them

You may be worried that once you reconnect to the emotions you’ve been avoiding, you’ll be stuck with them forever, but that’s not so. When we don’t obsess about our emotions, even the most painful and difficult feelings subside and lose their power to control our attention.

When our feelings are freed, the core emotions of anger, sadness, fear, and joy quickly come and go. Throughout the day, you’ll see, read, or hear something that momentarily triggers a strong feeling of some sort. But if you don’t focus on the feeling, it won’t last, and a different emotion will soon take its place.

Your body can clue you in to your emotions

Our emotions are closely aligned to physical sensations in our bodies. When you experience a strong emotion, you probably also feel it somewhere in your body. By paying attention to these physical sensations, you can understand your emotions better. For example, if your stomach tightens up every time you spend time with a particular person, you can conclude that you feel uncomfortable in their presence.

With the exception of a headache, physical feelings are usually experienced somewhere below the bridge of the nose. Examples include:

  • Sensations in your stomach
  • Tension in your muscles
  • Subtle urges to move body parts
  • Flashes of insight or “gut feelings”


You don’t have to choose between thinking and feeling

Emotional awareness functions like instinct. When it’s strongly developed, you’ll know what you are feeling without having to think about it—and you’ll be able to use these emotional signals to understand what is really going on in a situation and act accordingly. The goal is to find a balance between your intellect and your emotions. The fact is that emotional awareness will help you set healthy boundaries, communicate well with others, predict what others are going to do, and make better decisions.

Emotional awareness is a mindfulness skill you can learn

Emotional awareness is a skill—which means that with patience and practice, it can be learned at any time of life. You can develop emotional awareness by learning a mindfulness meditation that focuses on moment-to-moment physical and emotional sensations in your body. This meditation, “Ride the Wild Horse,” helps you to get in touch with difficult emotions and manage uncomfortable feelings. When you know how to do this, you can remain in control, rather than becoming overwhelmed—even in very challenging situations.

The Ride the Wild Horse audio mindfulness meditation should not be undertaken until you are confident of your ability to quickly manage stress in the moment. This is especially important if you are prone to panic attacks or have a history of unresolved traumatic experience.

http://www.helpguide.org/toolkit/developing_emotional_awareness.htm

Girls from Single-Sex Schools Find ‘Girly’ Looking Guys More Attractive

22 Feb

Studying in single-sex schools can have a significant impact on who you find attractive, claims a new study.

The study suggests that female students surrounded every day by girls are more attracted to feminine looking boys, such as High School Musical star Zac Efron.

While boys at all-male schools are more likely to go for girls with more masculine faces.

Lead researcher and psychologist Dr Tamsin Saxton in collaboration with the universities of Aberdeen, Stirling and Liverpool have, however, found the effect was weakened if children had siblings of the opposite sex at home.

“The research is evidence that a person’s ‘visual diet’ can influence what they think is attractive,” the Scotsman quoted Saxton as saying.

During the study, the researchers recruited 240 children aged 11 to 15 at co-educational and single-sex schools to rate faces for attractiveness

The faces had been digitally manipulated to look subtly more masculine or feminine.

The researchers also asked whether they had brothers or sisters at home.

“Interestingly, the weakest effect of ‘visual diet’ was in relation to boys’ judgments of girls’ faces,” Saxton said.

“This might be because femininity is such an overriding cue to female facial attractiveness, or perhaps because even at a single-sex school boys see more female faces around them, in their teachers and so on,” Saxton added.

“This kind of study helps researchers understand how the brain processes faces. Faces are crucial to our everyday interactions, and the brain has specialised areas dedicated to dealing with them,” said Dr Anthony Little, of Stirling University.

The findings are published in the scientific journal Personality and Individual Differences.

Source-ANI
SRM

http://www.medindia.net/news/view_main_print_new.asp

Emotional Pain

22 Feb

Can you relate to this? Can you imagine something like this happening to you?
A person says or does something that hurts or upsets you. You continue to think ineffectively about that event. You think about it in the most negative light until it finally brings you down even becoming depressed about it. This depression builds stress in your life until you must find a way to relieve the pressure. It is at that time you decide to fall back into some escape behavior you have either experienced before or you may attempt another. This behavior is what relieves the stress whether it
is drunkenness, explosive anger, working 80 hours in a week, pornography or even eating a large chocolate cake. Once you succumb to that behavior, you feel relief but it is not long until you feel the guilt associated with the behavior. You make a decision this was the last time. You honestly do not expect to succeed and neither do those who know you. In time, someone or something will hurt you again and the process starts again. As time proceeds, this cycle takes less time to complete. This is the cycle of behavior for a pain carrier and it will destroy your life at worst and at best make you live discontented.

The secrets described in this book are not really secrets at all. They are tools often overlooked by most but absolutely necessary to obtain contentment. If you are honest with yourself you will admit to behaviors which you wish would go away. If you are honest and admit that you lie, partake in pornography, eat excessively, or any one of over 100 other escape behaviors, you will begin to see that you need help in processing emotional pain. Truthfully, nearly 98% of all people today are unable to process pain effectively. This leads one to understand that the vast majority of people are engaging in behaviors to relieve the stress brought about by unprocessed emotional pain. This book gives the reader the tools to identify escape behaviors and the tools to process them effectively. Without these tools one can expect dysfunctional marriages and families, depression, repeated failures in relationships, low self esteem, legal complications, and even daily sadness. There is hope when the needed skills and attitudes are in place. These skills and attitudes bring one to peace and contentment

What can emotional pain do? 

From “Removing Emotional Pain”: “Like countless others, I had absolutely no idea what unprocessed emotional pain was doing to my life. Not at any time along my fifty year pathhad I discovered these truths. If I had been asked, I would have been strongly convinced pain was not a problem with me. I was clueless! I had no way of knowing that the damage from emotional pain began in early childhood. Not one word was said all along the way. Nothing was said or taught about it all through school, college and not in any church service I ever attended. No one in the family had any understanding of potential pain damage. Like everyone else, the damage took place without anyone noticing it, including me.

I was taught that emotional damage could begin as early as in the birthing room. I believe that to be true. A baby may sense if the mother doesn’t want it or if the father is not there to bond with it. Emotional damage may have started with me very early, dad was not there, he was away at war. When he did show four years later, he traumatized me the very moment we met by knocking me down and standing over me with the angry message to never trust anyone. Mother unintentionally introduced me to alcohol that same year. I had both the pain source and the escape behavior at the tender age of four. I grew up not trusting anyone and using alcohol to numb the pain. If anyone had asked me, I would have insisted I had no problem with pain. This is not a pity party nor is it an attempt to place blame. It’s an honest attempt to allow others to learn what unprocessed pain can do by looking into what it did to me.”

How emotional pain does what it does? 

It’s really quite simple: pain carriers use flawed thinking to create depression that builds stress to the point of needing an escape behavior. Once the cycle of behavior reaches step three there is no stopping until the cycle is complete and the whole thing starts over again. It’s a form of madness that blends right into our addicted society, and it’s passed down from one generation to the next. It’s far passed time to stop the madness. It’s time to break the chain with the training to become healthy thinkers.

What can be done about it?

Again, from “Removing Emotional Pain” by Ron Wilkins: You can live a stress filled, depressed life, desperately in search of occasional contentment or you can live your life in true freedom of constant contentment no matter how difficult your life may be. Thanks to being trained to process emotional pain, I lived five and one-half years in prison; it was dangerous but I was content. I later worked in the fast forward, high speed world of construction as a superintendent and I was content. I faced critical surgery and I was content. And now, I am content to teach others.” We hope you will take advantage of the tools provided here to stop the cycle of behaviors being passed for your previous generations to you and then from you to your children. Make the first serious step today to change your life and the life of those who follow you.

http://www.removingemotionalpain.com/emotionalpain.htm

Why is it that gay relationships normally never last more than 2 years ?

21 Feb
Fhave always wondered why in the gay lifestyle people are never together long .
How do you feel about this ?
Does it bother gay men knowing that most people these days do not want to just settle down ?
  • 1 month ago
  • (Tiebreaker)

Sign in to Vote for the Best Answer 

Answers (9)

  • Answerer 1

    Your figures may be true for Saudi Arabia or Iran, where execution can intervene nowadays.
    My first relationship: 47 years.
    Mt present one: ten years and counting.
    Most of my gay friends either stayed single or had very long relationships.
    *
  • Answerer 2

    And Heterosexual relationships last how long? How many women have you “been with” in your life and how long did those last?Or are we talking marraige here? 50% of all heterosexual marraiges fail in the first year. Yeah, and why again would homosexuals want to be a part of that number?Take a hard look around and you’ll see that long term relationships fail for most folks. Those that last are the one’s that have give and take, communication and love, the ability to forgive the small faults of each other and the sure knowledge that going through life together is an adventure, challenge and a joy at the same time.

    Better yet, Does it bother “straight” men and women that they have a 50% chance of blowing thousands of dollars on a wedding day just to have it all blow up less than a year later?

  • Answerer 3

    i know off 3 gay relationships all over 50 years and a few more over 25 years all going strong
    *
  • Answerer 4

    Oh boy. More stereotyping! If your relationships only last less than 2 years, don’t you think it’s time to look with-in, rather than continuing to blame others for your failures? Oh, by the way, 2 years is longer than a lot of straight marriages last, too. Love has no boundaries. Personal hang-ups do.
    *
  • Answerer 5

    I am from a highly gay-populated area and most gay couples I know have been together for 10 years +.
    *
  • Answerer 6

    actually i know a gay couple who’s been together for 4 years now. its not legal to get married here yet, but they consider thereselves married
    *
  • Answerer 7

    Recently i lost a friend, he and his partner had been together for just on 20 years. A guy at my work was similar.Yet I do agree that maintaining a long term gay relationship can be difficult.Could the generally poor support and not really all that interested family opinions be a factor.

    How many families upon hearing that Adam & Steve are having trouble make an effort to help them sort out the issues. Yet if its Adam and Eve most of their families will try to see things fixed up.

    I wonder how many heterosexual relationship are not terminated simply because of the grief that will cause the children.

    Who is smarter.
    The couple who are not happy together and so separate to end the misery:
    Or
    The couple who are not happy but pretend they are to everyone else and so remain in an unhappy relationship.

    *

  • Answerer 8

    <—– 13 years and counting…
    *
  • Answerer 9

    I guess Danny you are basing your question on how you see the LGBT community and from your own experiences. There’s a little truth in what you ask, but only a little. Because out there in the big wide world, many gay men and women seek something much more than a fling or short term relationship. Some gay men in particular have the mindset of ‘so many men so little time’. Ironic in today’s world, but some guys just need change and something fresh. The gay guys you don’t see are the ones content with their guy and who just get on with life.Relationships are a 24/7 challenge and take time and energy to maintain. True love helps, but that means loving everything there is about a guy and that can sometimes be too much to ask. If it’s true love, then it’s a doddle, if the guy loves you also. So everything is not what it may seem to you. My last relationship lasted 29 years and only ended because my guy passed away.
semioticaparatodos

Estudiando los significados sociales

Compañeros del Emprendimiento

Reflexiones sobre emprendimiento, innovación y competitividad